I cannot fucking describe what is wrong with my head today. Shit's sake. At least I have plenty of time to prep for the last exam.
NaNo is still on hold. Damnit.
NaNo is still on hold. Damnit.
blahI can't deal with social phobia anymore.
Ever since I was a child I shared a close friendship with a boy I liked and I developed feelings of love for him. Just when I was about to tell him how I feel, someone else took him from me. It was too late. All because he was never online and out of reach. Now he is nothing more than a faded memory of someone I once loved and trusted with my heart.
Another person taken away from me...
One by one people I love are being taken from me. I'm afraid that soon I'll have nobody left and I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life... if that happens I'm killing myself. God has nothing special planned for me anyway but to suffer. What is the meaning of life anyway if you're just going to have a college degree and nothing else?
Ever since I was a child I shared a close friendship with a boy I liked and I developed feelings of love for him. Just when I was about to tell him how I feel, someone else took him from me. It was too late. All because he was never online and out of reach. Now he is nothing more than a faded memory of someone I once loved and trusted with my heart.
Another person taken away from me...
One by one people I love are being taken from me. I'm afraid that soon I'll have nobody left and I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life... if that happens I'm killing myself. God has nothing special planned for me anyway but to suffer. What is the meaning of life anyway if you're just going to have a college degree and nothing else?
- Mood:
crushed
TODAY'S TEA: Harney & Sons - Passion Fruit Black
( Super_no_1, SEKIRIA & LA WEEKLY PMX PHOTOS )
( Fanime Black Butler Circus Photos )
( Super_no_1, SEKIRIA & LA WEEKLY PMX PHOTOS )
( Fanime Black Butler Circus Photos )
- Location:work
- Mood:
busy - Music:Fruits Clipper - capsule
Hey,
how did you guys first start making friends when recovering from something like SA or agoraphobia? i dont think i can for couple months, but just would like to hear some good stories :)
how did you guys first start making friends when recovering from something like SA or agoraphobia? i dont think i can for couple months, but just would like to hear some good stories :)
So I was playing on Mystery Google
The person before me searched for 'hi I'm Katie'.
: O ME TOO, MYSTERY PERSON.
MIND. BLOWN.
I also discovered that I mistype 'mystery' A LOT.
Other amusing things I have got:
I HATE YOU MYSTERY GOOGLE
OMG!! This is so MLIA!!!
screw you
NOO!!!!
I LOVE MLIA!!!
thank you
HELP
do your work (haha, done for the day, previous searcher)
cheese bacon, now i need eggs
The person before me searched for 'hi I'm Katie'.
: O ME TOO, MYSTERY PERSON.
MIND. BLOWN.
I also discovered that I mistype 'mystery' A LOT.
Other amusing things I have got:
I HATE YOU MYSTERY GOOGLE
OMG!! This is so MLIA!!!
screw you
NOO!!!!
I LOVE MLIA!!!
thank you
HELP
do your work (haha, done for the day, previous searcher)
cheese bacon, now i need eggs
- Mood:
shocked
Ever heard of a philosophical movement known as solipsism? Basically, according to the solipsist, only he exists. Since his only mind is the only thing he knows to be truly real, nothing else is.
Actually, the logic follows quite nicely. If the senses are our only means of processing information, and the senses are ultimately unreliable, then everything in your head must be - and is the only - reality.
And that's where the unsettling implications start to come in. That thing under the bed, in the attic, that your parents told you is "all in your head?" Well, your parents are also "all in your head." Your sight, your only source of reasoning, so reassuring when you turn the lights on and gasp in relief when you see that nothing's there? All in your head.
The thing in the attic, however, is another story. You've never seen it, you've never heard it, you've never sensed it, but your body really wants your mind to believe that it's not there.
Now why might that be?
Actually, the logic follows quite nicely. If the senses are our only means of processing information, and the senses are ultimately unreliable, then everything in your head must be - and is the only - reality.
And that's where the unsettling implications start to come in. That thing under the bed, in the attic, that your parents told you is "all in your head?" Well, your parents are also "all in your head." Your sight, your only source of reasoning, so reassuring when you turn the lights on and gasp in relief when you see that nothing's there? All in your head.
The thing in the attic, however, is another story. You've never seen it, you've never heard it, you've never sensed it, but your body really wants your mind to believe that it's not there.
Now why might that be?
My medication situation is still messed up. I saw my doctor a few days ago to have her fill in parts of some forms to get medication on low-income programs from some drug companies. She decided to get some blood from me while I was there to test for autoimmune. You're regularly scheduled House joke to be continued when I get the results of that.
I got a supply of imitrex from a charity, but they don't do that more than once so I have to make them last.
I've dropped caffeine after noticing it had recently become a migraine trigger. I think I can still have tea and small amounts of caffeine but I'm so worried about using up my meds finding the line I've just stayed away from caffeine entirely. I'm mourning coffee and tea bad.
I had some chocolate milk and was fine, but for the same reason I'm not pushing that line any farther.
I have to pay for lyrica out of pocket and it is making me a ball of worry. I keep thinking about whether my family needs me in my best working condition or the money that would take more, and since my parents just sort of leave me out of budget discussions I have no way of knowing the proportion of giving vs. getting I'm at and I keep worrying that I am obliviously taking up more than my fair share. It drives me up a wall.
My father's been sick, which is part of why we're struggling. It really freaks me out badly when he gets sick and won't eat. He gets sugar low, and acts so incredibly strangely and, well, it's disturbing when I can't get him out of it quickly.
And that's your missive from planet Gordon for today, I guess.
I got a supply of imitrex from a charity, but they don't do that more than once so I have to make them last.
I've dropped caffeine after noticing it had recently become a migraine trigger. I think I can still have tea and small amounts of caffeine but I'm so worried about using up my meds finding the line I've just stayed away from caffeine entirely. I'm mourning coffee and tea bad.
I had some chocolate milk and was fine, but for the same reason I'm not pushing that line any farther.
I have to pay for lyrica out of pocket and it is making me a ball of worry. I keep thinking about whether my family needs me in my best working condition or the money that would take more, and since my parents just sort of leave me out of budget discussions I have no way of knowing the proportion of giving vs. getting I'm at and I keep worrying that I am obliviously taking up more than my fair share. It drives me up a wall.
My father's been sick, which is part of why we're struggling. It really freaks me out badly when he gets sick and won't eat. He gets sugar low, and acts so incredibly strangely and, well, it's disturbing when I can't get him out of it quickly.
And that's your missive from planet Gordon for today, I guess.
I don't care what Kate says or is going to say about this photo, but I will argue the is the best photo taken of us at Steamcon. Hands down.
-C
-C
Hey you guys, I just want to say that I'm hoping that you all are doing well. Being socially anxious is really hard. Hey, at least you're not arrogant a-holes. I think a lot of our problems are from our childhoods. It's really hard sometimes to figure out what is appropriate (and do it). Sometimes social activity just exhausts me. I think part of it is how little I see my real friends.
I have friends who I don't see very often. I was wondering what you would like for an old friend to do, if they called you or emailed you or facebooked you, what would be most comforting to hear? What would make you want to come outside and hang out with the other person? I feel like I need to see people more often who know me and like me, or I will get worse.
Thank you for your time!
I have friends who I don't see very often. I was wondering what you would like for an old friend to do, if they called you or emailed you or facebooked you, what would be most comforting to hear? What would make you want to come outside and hang out with the other person? I feel like I need to see people more often who know me and like me, or I will get worse.
Thank you for your time!
An old, lonely woman is sitting alone sipping coffee in a cafe—staring longingly at the empty seat across from her. She takes her hand off the white purse sitting beside her, brings her hand slowly up to her lips and softly bites the very end of her thumb. She closes her eyes momentarily, and shakes her head no, as if she is denying her loss.
As she opens her eyes, I can see that they are red; a lone tear etches down her cheek, rests on the edge of her jaw line and then drops onto her white blouse. Holding her hands together in her lap, she bows her head and her lips move in silent prayer. Taking a long, deep breathe, she looks up and stares blankly out the window. After taking her red lipstick out of her purse and applying it, she then takes a handkerchief and dabs it against her lips. Varicose veins map her legs.
So my character has just arrived in 'London' (sort of), only to be promptly mugged by a knife-wielding young woman who ahs mistaken him for a rich newcomer.
She may well end up upcoming him on his quest somehow.
GET OUT OF MY NOVEL. IT IS NOT THAT KIND OF NOVEL. I DO NOT WANT A WISE-CRACKING SIDEKICK, LEAST OF ALL ONE WHO MAY FORCE HERSELF INTO THE ROLE OF LOVE INTEREST.
;_; I know it should be up to me, but she's too fun to write to waste on one scene.
She may well end up upcoming him on his quest somehow.
GET OUT OF MY NOVEL. IT IS NOT THAT KIND OF NOVEL. I DO NOT WANT A WISE-CRACKING SIDEKICK, LEAST OF ALL ONE WHO MAY FORCE HERSELF INTO THE ROLE OF LOVE INTEREST.
;_; I know it should be up to me, but she's too fun to write to waste on one scene.
- Mood:
bitchy
( PMX photos, Fashion Show Videos, etc )
Reminder,
~~GYARU EVENT AT ROYAL/T this WED!
~~ALSO, this weekend, BATS N CATS!
~~Check out this great video report of the 35th Anniversary Hello Kitty event at Royal/T(check out my goooorgeous friends in there! eee!)
- Location:work
- Music:Flying City Plan - capsule
Posting this a little early this year due to things going on in my life that will cause me to be a little busier.
This is the official annual free Christmas art post, public and open to all! Anyone can comment, and I encourage anyone to.
---------
How this works: Comment here nominating a person of your choice to receive a free art from me...Zyleeth! They won't be full super-detailed things, but they'll be smaller arts that take two hours tops to create. It may be a sketch, painting, icon, or whatever I feel like drawing at the moment. Point is: I will draw SOMETHING nice for the person of your choice. Please be sure to include a reference of what I'll be drawing. COMMENTS ARE SCREENED. For extra points, explain why you think this person deserves the free gift. It doesn't have to be super elaborate, but it feels extra awesome drawing for someone who has had nice things associated with them by you, the nominator. Please also know that I may not be able to do art for every single person, depending on how many I get. But I will do many regardless. Its sort of a secret Santa thing, so no one will know who gets art and from whom until I post near Christmas, unless you tell them of course.
Anyone can nominate someone. Anyone may be nominated. It doesn't matter if I don't like the person, everyone will be considered equally. That's the holiday spirit, afterall!
The Rules:
1. You CANNOT nominate yourself. This is changed from last year, after careful consideration.
2. You CANNOT nominate me.
3. You can nominate up to three people.
4. You don't have to nominate someone I know, it can be someone I've never met.
5. This entry is public, you may nominate someone if I don't know you.
6. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do art for every person nominated. I don't have a set number of people either, I'll draw until I can't anymore!
7. The nature of the art I will draw is completely based on what I feel like doing or what comes out easiest for me. It may be a speedpainting, a portrait, something traditionally drawn, or something else entirely, but it will be as nice as I can get it in a short period of time.
8. Please specify what I'll be drawing for this person. It can be a character of theirs, persona, or even a pet. For more information on how I draw, see my gallery! http://zyleeth.deviantart.com
Have at it! There is no time limit other than a day before Christmas, so comment anytime...and spread it around too if you like! :) The more the merrier!
This is the official annual free Christmas art post, public and open to all! Anyone can comment, and I encourage anyone to.
---------
How this works: Comment here nominating a person of your choice to receive a free art from me...Zyleeth! They won't be full super-detailed things, but they'll be smaller arts that take two hours tops to create. It may be a sketch, painting, icon, or whatever I feel like drawing at the moment. Point is: I will draw SOMETHING nice for the person of your choice. Please be sure to include a reference of what I'll be drawing. COMMENTS ARE SCREENED. For extra points, explain why you think this person deserves the free gift. It doesn't have to be super elaborate, but it feels extra awesome drawing for someone who has had nice things associated with them by you, the nominator. Please also know that I may not be able to do art for every single person, depending on how many I get. But I will do many regardless. Its sort of a secret Santa thing, so no one will know who gets art and from whom until I post near Christmas, unless you tell them of course.
Anyone can nominate someone. Anyone may be nominated. It doesn't matter if I don't like the person, everyone will be considered equally. That's the holiday spirit, afterall!
The Rules:
1. You CANNOT nominate yourself. This is changed from last year, after careful consideration.
2. You CANNOT nominate me.
3. You can nominate up to three people.
4. You don't have to nominate someone I know, it can be someone I've never met.
5. This entry is public, you may nominate someone if I don't know you.
6. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do art for every person nominated. I don't have a set number of people either, I'll draw until I can't anymore!
7. The nature of the art I will draw is completely based on what I feel like doing or what comes out easiest for me. It may be a speedpainting, a portrait, something traditionally drawn, or something else entirely, but it will be as nice as I can get it in a short period of time.
8. Please specify what I'll be drawing for this person. It can be a character of theirs, persona, or even a pet. For more information on how I draw, see my gallery! http://zyleeth.deviantart.com
Have at it! There is no time limit other than a day before Christmas, so comment anytime...and spread it around too if you like! :) The more the merrier!
First off,
25K! HALFWAY POINT REACHED!
Also, today I finally plucked up the courage to read something out at Create Soc.
By which I mean I got![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
macey_muse to read it because she is a better reader than me and not at all shy.
By which I mean she read it while I stood outside so I couldn't hear.
By which I mean I fled to the other end of the corridor and occupied myself rearranging the spare pins on the noticeboard.
Because I could still hear her if I was too near the door.
CONFIDENCE FAIL. *facepalm*
25K! HALFWAY POINT REACHED!
Also, today I finally plucked up the courage to read something out at Create Soc.
By which I mean I got
macey_muse to read it because she is a better reader than me and not at all shy.By which I mean she read it while I stood outside so I couldn't hear.
By which I mean I fled to the other end of the corridor and occupied myself rearranging the spare pins on the noticeboard.
Because I could still hear her if I was too near the door.
CONFIDENCE FAIL. *facepalm*
- Mood:
sleepy
Sometimes I have big, unrealistic, crazy dreams. And sometimes I have tiny, manageable, realistic ones.
Today I have two monitors: A dream come true. Adapting to a 24"HD widescreen is weird, but I am very much enjoying the larger expanse for digital work. Everything is so crystal clear - I'm really curious to see how it will effect my doodles. I finally have a spare screen for references and a full screen for arting! Beautiful. Now I just need to make time for art.
In Borderlands related news (mostly for Pac and Nanu, my fellow BL fans): You had me at "WereSkags"!
Today I have two monitors: A dream come true. Adapting to a 24"HD widescreen is weird, but I am very much enjoying the larger expanse for digital work. Everything is so crystal clear - I'm really curious to see how it will effect my doodles. I finally have a spare screen for references and a full screen for arting! Beautiful. Now I just need to make time for art.
In Borderlands related news (mostly for Pac and Nanu, my fellow BL fans): You had me at "WereSkags"!
Profile
- iseepurplehair
- H. Inermis
- a prehistoric throwback
Page Summary
- jumpthesnark : (no subject) [+0]
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif)
professorlayton :: sky_pirate_tat : Legal on Facebook [+2] - thelunarsociety :: jackshoegazer : Asteroid passes just 8,700miles from Earth - with only 15 hours warning [+0]
- joking : Buffy/Doctor Who: "Weapon" (1/1) [+1]
- socialanxiety :: midnight21 : (no subject) [+9]
- aimeekitty : more PMX photos and Fanime Black Butler [+25]
- socialanxiety :: blueberry01 : making friends [+6]
- kathkin : (no subject) [+4]
- acrowilddog : (no subject) [+1]
- dimespin : (no subject) [+2]
- twirlynoodle : Remembrance Day [+0]
- shoomlah : Daily Maintenance [+7]
- socialanxiety :: fxdupprincess : What to say? [+4]
- socialanxiety :: meddiefrac : (no subject) [+14]
- kathkin : Whaaaat whaaaaat where did she come from... [+2]
- aimeekitty : PMX photos, Fashion Show Videos, etc [+23]
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif)
minusgarfield : Photo [+0] - zyleeth : HOLIDAY FREE ART POST [+0]
- kathkin : This is my Happy Icon [+4]
- neogeen : One Checkmark. [+6]